Category: Growing in Faith

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Learning to Lighten Up

For the past two months my life has been consumed with doctor appointments. Everything is fine.  No, everything is WONDERFUL because I do NOT have breast cancer.  (I wanted to lead in with that right off the bat so you wouldn’t be worried.)  During this time of driving an hour back and forth to the hospital (four separate mammograms, an ultrasound, a MRI, a MRI assisted biopsy, and ultimately a lumpectomy) and waiting on test results from all these procedures I’ve learned a lot about myself and my faith.

When the doctors first stated that they suspected that I had cancer, I knew that with out any shadow of a doubt that I would be okay (okay as in NOT die). Don’t ask me how I knew, I just knew.  I guess that’s what faith is.  I had Psalms 118:17 deep down inside of me screaming “I will not die but live and declare the glory of the Lord.”

I distinctly remember standing at the kitchen counter.  The nurse called. She told me that I needed to come back for a “second look.”  She explained that the hospital’s machines were more powerful.  She told me there was a “suspicious spot.” I got off the phone.  I posted the appointment on the refrigerator.  I prayed – not a long prayer.  It wasn’t even a faith-filled prayer but it was an honest prayer. I said, “Lord, I just don’t want to go through this.” After awhile, the verse Matthew 28:20 came to me, “I am always with you.”  Thank you, Lord but I really wanted to hear John 19:30 “it is finished.” With that I knew that this would be something I would just have to walk through. Long or (hopefully) short, I was about to embark on a journey.

These were the things that went through my head in rapid-fire succession:

  • I don’t have time for this. I have Christmas shopping. I have MOPS meetings. I looked at my calendar (yes, for real) and justified the “I just don’t have time for this” mentality.  In my world if I don’t write it down – it does not exist.  Period. I have chores. I have homeschooling. Then BAM. Second thought…
  • I’m homeschooling.  How in the heck am I going to homeschool, clean the house, cook supper AND have cancer?  I mean, really, breast cancer means LOTS of doctor appointments.  Lots of medical bills. Bills we don’t have the money for right now. My hospital is an hour away.  Breast cancer means tests, surgery, chemotherapy. BAM again. Third thought…
  • Chemotherapy.  Wait, that makes you sick.  I don’t have time to be sick (yes the time thing again…I know, NO ONE has time to be sick…). Chemo makes you sick.  Chemo makes your…hair…fall out.  BAM. Fourth thought…
  • What if my hair falls out?  I’ve worked so hard to grow it out from years of a super-short pixie. It finally looks half-way decent.  I don’t want it to fall out. I took a deep breath and thought, well if it falls out, it falls out.  I’ll wear cute scarfs. What if my husband thinks I’m ugly? My husband…BAM. Fifth thought…
  • My husband.  What is he going to do? Is he going to be okay? This is going to be so hard on him. This is going to be especially hard on him.  It hasn’t been that long since we watched his mother wither and vanish before our eyes from cancer.  Can we even speak that word? (Another note: in my world if we don’t speak it, it doesn’t exist.) Will he be able to bear hearing that dreaded, fearful word? I whispered it, “cancer.” Nothing happened.
Every test just resulted in yet another test.  The doctor apologized, “cancer is usually so clear, black and white. Either it is or it isn’t but your case is different.” Well that’s of no comfort, I tell you. I just kept telling myself it would be okay- even if I had…swallow hard and whisper…cancer. I told myself it was just a word.  I would not fear a word used by doctors to describe a particular set of physical symptoms.  It was just a word. I repeated it in my mind and said it out loud, “it’s just a word.” I know a greater Word. His Word. THE WORD.  His word says by His stripes I am healed (1Peter 2:24). His word says He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Psalms 103:3).  His Word says I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). His Word says it all works out for my good (Romans 8:28).
Test after test after test. My patience was growing thin. Christmas, then New Year’s, more tests.  I was still recovering from a surgery in November and felt my body getting weary from the traveling, the waiting, and the wanting it to be over so we could get on with our regular life. Finally the doctor recommended that I have a lumpectomy to remove a pre-cancerous radial sclerosis. My husband and I were actually glad- now we had a plan. We had a solution. Hopefully, we thought, we would have an end to this.
I had surgery last Thursday and after a very long weekend the nurse called. She said the pathology report showed no signs of malignancy.  Praise the Lord! She said they had removed the lump and surrounding tissue. I will have a post-op exam next week where I expect the doctor to say that this is indeed all over.
As I write this (ice pack on right breast, ibuprofen within reach) I have to admit that I just don’t know how people survive life without faith. It may sound corny, but it truly is “so sweet to trust in Jesus.” Life gets messy and sometimes we go though tough times.  My husband and I both had such a reassurance that no matter what we went though, it would all be okay.  We would adjust. We would overcome (Revelation 12:11).  We would triumph (2 Corinthians 2:14). We knew because God says so.

I’ve also learned that I’m WAY too tied up in defining my life by the tasks that I do.  I am not my schedule.  I am not my chores. I am not my dozen or so lists. While all my little organization tricks are great, they are just tools that I use. I spent the past two months just being with my family. Some of the chores were left undone, some of the items didn’t get checked off the list, we ate a lot of take-out, and you know what? The world did not fall apart. I let people help me and you know what else? It didn’t mean I was less of a wife or mother. Now these things may be common sense to you. For me it has been a huge revelation.

When you define yourself by what you do, 
you judge yourself by what doesn’t get done.
Now, I’m not going to use this as an excuse to get all sloppy and lazy…we can’t have total chaos afterall!

I am going to lighten up and 
keep trusting my wonderful Lord.

‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

  1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just to take Him at His Word;
    Just to rest upon His promise,
    And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
    • Refrain:
      Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
      How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
      Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
      Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
  2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just to trust His cleansing blood;
    And in simple faith to plunge me
    ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
  3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just from sin and self to cease;
    Just from Jesus simply taking
    Life and rest, and joy and peace.
  4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
    Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
    And I know that Thou art with me,
    Wilt be with me to the end.





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    Finding Time For Devotion

    Sometimes finding a set time everyday for prayer and devotion is difficult- especially if you have little ones tugging at you.  Click here for ways that I manage even on the most hectic days.  You’ll be redirected to Practical Faith For Everyday Life.  Let me know if you find the tips helpful.  I’d love to hear yours as well!

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    Are You Coping With Grief or Loss?

    The holidays can be difficult- especially if you are dealing with tragedy.  If you need a shoulder to lean on, please follow this link.  You’ll be redirected to a post I published last year.  In it I share how my husband and I recovered from loss during the holiday season. I hope you find it helpful.

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    A Moment in Meditation

    Love is patient and kind.

    NLT 1 Cor 13:4

    How do I really love those around me? In the hectic often frustrating details of everyday life it is easy to let things get the best of me. Do I respond to my family with the love of Christ- in patience and with kindness- or am I irritable and short with them? Lord, please help me to treat them as the treasures that they are and to better show Your patience and Your kindness to those around me. Amen

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    A Moment in Meditation

    Christ Himself has made peace between [us] by making us all one people. He has broken down the wall of hostility that used to separate us. NLT Ephesians 2:14

    Am I working toward peace or away from it? Do my words and my actions reflect my desire to love others? How do I react during conflict? Am I creating unity or separation? Lord, help me to live in peace by acting peaceably.
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    Messy Blessing

    Sometimes, in the hectic day to day tasks, in between the repetitive screams of “Mamma mamma mamma” and the “Honey, where is my ___,” and the laundry, and the cooking, and the spilled juice I get caught up in the events of the day.  I forget the true purpose of each day.  I get frustrated. I get down. And then I remember…

    My job is to equip my family for God’s service.  I get so wrapped up in the chores of care-taking that I lose sight of the blessing that it is to be the care taker of my family.  I have the awesome privilege of being wife and mother.  I am the help-meet.  I am the glue that keeps us together.  I am the woman behind the man.  I am the teacher, the guardian, the…well you get it.  I don’t just sweep the floors- I am the Keeper of Our Home.  I am responsible for these people.  How they face the world and what they do in it are a result of how well I care for them, nurture them, train them, and KEEP them.  They are not just workers, not just students- they are Kingdom servants with Kingdom assignments.  Our home is to be a place of warmth, hospitality, and Godly instruction.  My job is to tend it and these people to the glory of God.  What an honor! What a blessing! I am so grateful for this blessing, messy though it may be.

    Do you ever get caught up in grind?  Do you get discouraged in the mundane tasks of the day?  How do you see yourself and your duties?  Do you ever feel un-important?  Encourage yourself in the Lord. Of all the people on Earth, He has assigned that family to YOU- because of your unique talents and abilities.  He created YOU just for them.

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    A Moment in Meditation

    I’m so excited about starting a new series on scripture meditations. For each mini-post, I’ll highlight a Bible verse.  These are the verses that I contemplate throughout the day.  Scripture meditation is a powerful way to practically apply the Word to your daily life and super-charge your faith.  I’ll begin with a scripture that was stationed on my sidebar for awhile.  It makes me re-think my to-do list.
    I glorified You on earth by completing down to the last detail what You assigned me to do. MSG John17:4

    I am busy, but with what? My own agenda or with His? What’s on my to-do list?  Is it just busy work or is it really worthwhile? Lord, let me yield to Your will for me. Thank you for giving me the grace and strength to complete the plans and tasks that you have for me.
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    What’s Missing

    You’re making an effort to take better care of yourself.  Say you’re having a good week:  you’ve exercised, eaten nutritious meals, and maybe even had a spa day.  Great job! Is something still…missing?  To find out, please join me at Living Self Care.    

      

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    Joy in the Giving

    Often when we think of Christian love and charity, we think big: mission trips, feeding centers, large sums of money.  We think of our local tithes and offerings.  We think of the parable of the Widow’s Mite.  I have found myself thinking of her a lot lately.  I think of how in her poverty, she gave all that she had.  I think of how her humble heart caught the eye of the Master.   I think of how He praised her.  I’ve been contemplating the principles of Godly Giving and whether or not I measure up to His expectations.

    While studying I noticed that God expects us to be joyful as well as generous in our giving.  I also realized that giving all I have is not just about money.  God expects more of me than just my envelope in the offering plate.  While I am obedient in my finances, I’m not sure that my giving has honored Him the way that Widow’s Mite did.

    I want to honor Him so badly- to catch His eye.  I want to make Him proud.  I want to give ALL.  What a lofty goal. So daunting, really.  Is it even attainable? Can I really give Him ALL?   As I shifted my focus from money, I saw so many other opportunities.

    I can smile more, not just when I’m happy.  I can smile at the cashier when I’m held up in line because she’s changing the tape roll and taking forever.  I can smile at the driver who takes my turn at the stop sign.  I can smile at my son when he’s struggling to do a big boy job all by himself when I could do it so much faster. (I can even smile at these rowdy teenagers who are distracting me while I write this post utilizing free Wi Fi at McDonald’s. )

    In my routine shopping, I can get a few “extras” for others. I can pick up some extra can goods at the grocery store for the local food bank.  I can pick up an extra pack of diapers & wipes for the women’s shelter.  I can take a book of stamps and some paper to the alcohol & drug treatment center.  I can take my old magazines to the nursing home.

    I can make (and give Him) better choices.  When challenged I can choose mercy.  I can choose forgiveness.  I can choose patience.  I can choose kindness. I can listen patiently as if for the first time when my grandmother repeats the same story for the 100th time.  I can be sweet instead of sarcastic when my husband forgets that it’s date night and volunteers to work a later shift.  I can choose peace instead of arguing my point when a neighbor oversteps her bounds.

    I’m learning that giving all I have is so much simpler than I thought.  It’s so much broader than I imagined.  If I choose a positive perspective about it, I can even have fun looking for opportunities to give more, to do more, to truly serve Him in my everyday life. I can give myself, my heart, my obedience as well as my money.