Category: Growing in Faith

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How To Survive Loss During The Holiday Season

You were expecting something more festive, right? I know, jingle bells and all…but tragedies don’t wait for convenient dates on the calender. Grief and coping with loss can be even more difficult when everyone else is celebrating.  I write this post hoping to help if you or someone you know is experiencing a loss or crisis.  It can be so hard but you can survive.  I know because I did…and this is part of my story.

Last year between Christmas and New Year my unborn baby died. For several days our world stood still while we waited to see a heartbeat.  We had seen it just two weeks before- blinking like a Christmas tree light.  And then nothing, only silent stillness on a sonogram.  The last thing I remember before surgery was trying so hard not to sob and wondering what in the world had caused that sweet little light to quit blinking.  While everyone else was celebrating my husband and I were grieving.  For weeks after, we waited on negative test results to rule out a rare form of cancer. I want to share what I learned through the healing process. Maybe it can give you a little hope.  Or at least I want to let you know that you’re not alone.  Someone knows and cares that your heart is breaking.  I do and that’s why I’m offering what worked for me.  Use what you can and dismiss the rest.

  1. Allow yourself to grieve.  Forget the stiff upper chin.  You don’t get extra points for suffering in silence. It’s okay to show your hurt. Whether its death, divorce, or a pink slip: loss HURTS and pretending that it doesn’t helps no one. That being said, you can’t wallow in it forever either.  We had a private memorial service at Church one week after my surgery.  I let myself cry and mourn that week but had determined that once the service was over I WOULD BEGIN TO HEAL.  It’s important to allow yourself to move forward.
  2. Hit the autopilot button. I had a hard time dealing with people’s (mostly stupid) statements so I just went into robot mode and mechanically replied “thank you for your prayers” to whatever comment was offered.  I figure that most people don’t mean to be hurtful- they just truly don’t know what to say. Side note: if your loved one has a miscarriage DO NOT say things like “something was probably wrong with it anyway,” “at least you didn’t get to hold it,” or “did the doctor say what you did wrong?” Just say “I’m sorry for your loss.  I’ll be praying for you.” 
  3. Quit asking “why.”  Talk about it with a friend or a professional but don’t get stuck in the “why” stage. There may be a medical reason that can physically help you; however, there is no emotionally acceptable or comforting answer.  Bad things happen.  Very bad things happen and trying to make sense out of the senseless only tortures you and prolongs your pain.  I remember crying out to God.  I didn’t get a reason why but I did get reminded that He knew exactly how it felt to lose a child. 
  4. Resume your daily routines- whether you feel like it or not.  Staying engaged is essential to keep short term grief from turning into long term depression. Shower, eat, work, exercise.  Don’t give up on life just because you’re hurting.  Don’t give up on God, either- even if your faith is wavering.  Keep plugging along.  Keep moving forward.  Baby steps count! You’ll get a little bit stronger and better everyday. You will get better.
  5. Realize that you won’t ever get over it but you will move past it.  There is a difference. It is vitally important to remember that while the feelings of loss and sadness will remain, the intense pain will one day subside.  Don’t feel guilty for beginning to get better, for enjoying others, and life again, or for growing beyond the grief. Life never stands still.  Everything changes: the good, the bad- it all moves along. 

Every one’s process and time is unique.  Don’t push yourself too fast or too hard.  Don’t beat yourself up- for feeling bad or for feeling good.  Emotions vary- it’s normal.  If you think you are not getting better or if you ever think about harming yourself or others, PLEASE GET HELP.  Your pastor, doctor, or mental health care center can direct you to available resources.

Over the past two years my husband and I have experienced several losses. I still cry a little sometimes. I am still healing.  I’m still growing. You will too.

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I’m Diving In !

The inspiration for this post comes from a song that we sang in Church this past Sunday.  I’ll include the lyrics and a link for the video below this post.  I hope you’ll take a moment to listen.

Sometimes (even though I know better) I walk the line.  You know that line.  It’s the line between faith and doubt.  The line between trying to be superwoman and freaking out because I’m not.  It’s the line between trying so hard be balanced and being irritable because NOTHING falls into place.  It’s the line between walking in the ways of this world and living in the Kingdom of our Lord.  I’ve learned the hard way you can’t be in two places at one time- mentally or physically.

I have to be reminded to get off the fence and just go on over.  Dive in.  Jump in with BOTH feet. Forget trying to do it all. ” Seek ye first His Kingdom…” This applies to everything.  From His Kingdom to my daily routine.  I have to dive in and be fully immersed in each moment in order to fully appreciate and truly enjoy them.  We face this choice with every moment: running errands, planing meals, work, chores, playtime.  It’s so easy to get caught up in multi-tasking that we loose the joy in everyday life.

Today I am making the choice to dive in and to stay in each moment, each task, and each experience. Jump in with me!

Listen & Watch Video Here
Dive by Steven Curtis Chapman 
(Lyrics courtesy Christian Lyrics Online)      


Rom. 11:33-36; Eph. 3:16-19
The long awaited rains 


Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground 
And carved their way to where 
The wild and rushing river can be found 
And like the rains 
I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah 
My heart is racing and my knees are weak 
As I walk to the edge 
I know there is not turning back 
Once my feet have left the ledge 
And in the rush I hear a voice 
That’s telling me it’s time
to take the leap of faith 
So here I go

I’m diving in, I’m going deep in over


my head, I want to be 
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,
in over my head, I want to go 
The river’s deep, the river’s wide,
the river’s water is alive 
So sink or swim, I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power 


In this might river’s flow 
It can bring the dead to life 
And it can fill an empty soul 
And give a heart the only thing 
Worth living and worth dying for, yeah 
But we will never know the awesome power 
Of the grace of God 
Until we let ourselves get swept away 
Into this holy flood 
So if you’ll take my hand 
We’ll close our eyes and count to three 
And take the leap of faith 
Come on let’s go

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I’m Diving In !

The inspiration for this post comes from a song that we sang in Church this past Sunday.  I’ll include the lyrics and a link for the video below this post.  I hope you’ll take a moment to listen.

Sometimes (even though I know better) I walk the line.  You know that line.  It’s the line between faith and doubt.  The line between trying to be superwoman and freaking out because I’m not.  It’s the line between trying so hard be balanced and being irritable because NOTHING falls into place.  It’s the line between walking in the ways of this world and living in the Kingdom of our Lord.  I’ve learned the hard way you can’t be in two places at one time- mentally or physically.

I have to be reminded to get off the fence and just go on over.  Dive in.  Jump in with BOTH feet. Forget trying to do it all. ” Seek ye first His Kingdom…” This applies to everything.  From His Kingdom to my daily routine.  I have to dive in and be fully immersed in each moment in order to fully appreciate and truly enjoy them.  We face this choice with every moment: running errands, planing meals, work, chores, playtime.  It’s so easy to get caught up in multi-tasking that we loose the joy in everyday life.

Today I am making the choice to dive in and to stay in each moment, each task, and each experience. Jump in with me!

Listen & Watch Video Here
Dive by Steven Curtis Chapman 
(Lyrics courtesy Christian Lyrics Online)      


Rom. 11:33-36; Eph. 3:16-19
The long awaited rains 


Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground 
And carved their way to where 
The wild and rushing river can be found 
And like the rains 
I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah 
My heart is racing and my knees are weak 
As I walk to the edge 
I know there is not turning back 
Once my feet have left the ledge 
And in the rush I hear a voice 
That’s telling me it’s time
to take the leap of faith 
So here I go

I’m diving in, I’m going deep in over


my head, I want to be 
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,
in over my head, I want to go 
The river’s deep, the river’s wide,
the river’s water is alive 
So sink or swim, I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power 


In this might river’s flow 
It can bring the dead to life 
And it can fill an empty soul 
And give a heart the only thing 
Worth living and worth dying for, yeah 
But we will never know the awesome power 
Of the grace of God 
Until we let ourselves get swept away 
Into this holy flood 
So if you’ll take my hand 
We’ll close our eyes and count to three 
And take the leap of faith 
Come on let’s go

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How I Abide in Him

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.  (KJV) John 15:5


For so long I knew that verse to mean I am nothing without Jesus.  While that is true on a certain level, there is so much more.  Meditate on that verse. Dig deeper.  Ponder it awhile…

He supplies me.  If He lives in me and I remain in Him, I am fruitful.  I am productive. I am successful. It is Christ that gives me what I need to accomplish the life before me.  He works in me.  He works through me.  Have you ever wondered how?  Have you ever felt like it wasn’t working? Why?

It’s that word “abide.”  There’s the key.  I must abide in Him.  From experience let me tell you that you cannot abide in Him with just a weekly Church service and a nightie-nite prayer.  Abide means to dwell, live, remain, endure.  It’s a pretty weighty word.  Now it seems complicated- almost daunting.  Like any other relationship, it does take time.  There is just no way around it.  It doesn’t; however, have to be complicated.  Trying to set aside a particular block of time was not working for me.  I ended up overwhelmed, discouraged, and feeling guilty because it was a task I couldn’t accomplish.  That’s just it, though.  Jesus is not a task.  He is a person.  One who wants you to actually ENJOY time with Him. If spending time with our Lord has been difficult for you, don’t give up!  I de-mystified and simplified. Making small adjustments in my routine has made all the difference in the world for me.  Let me show you what I mean…

I do five very simple things every day to keep in touch with Jesus. These things don’t take much time at all when I spread them throughout my day.

  • Morning Devotion.  I use From Faith to Faith by Kenneth & Gloria Copeland.  You can purchase the book or view it for free online. They will even email it to you upon request. I have the link on my iPhone so I can view it anytime/ anywhere.
  • Daily Scripture Meditation. The Wonderful Names of Our Wonderful Lord is an excellent one minute devotion by Charles Hurburt and T.C. Horton.  While it is available in paperback, I use the mobile version on my iPhone. 
  • Scripture Confession.  I have compiled a notebook of scriptures that I recite out loud throughout the day.  I rotate them.  One day I’ll say the ones on health, then one day on parenting, one day on finances.  You get the idea.
  • I pray all day long.  Not the stop what you’re doing, formal kind of prayers- hardly!  I say the “Good Morning Lord!  Help me face the day” kind of prayer.  You know: like,”O Lord, show me how to handle this.”  “Son is jumping on my last nerve, what do You want me to do with him? “Thank you for putting the milk on sale!”  I talk to God all day long like I would to my husband, my friends, or anyone else.  I’m not disrespectful but I am familiar.
  • Evening Bible Time.  Yes, yes, you know me well… I have an iPhone app for that too!  (Face it: its just FUN that way!) I like the Robert Roberts plan.  Two- Four chapters a night takes all of 15 minutes.   
Of course, if you can do more that’s great.  If not, do what you can. Jesus knows and He understands. Keeping it simple, fun, and weaving it into my minute-by-minute daily routine has made it do-able for me.  My faith is no longer an ideal.  It is PRACTICAL.  It is real and IT WORKS.




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How I Abide in Him

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.  (KJV) John 15:5


For so long I knew that verse to mean I am nothing without Jesus.  While that is true on a certain level, there is so much more.  Meditate on that verse. Dig deeper.  Ponder it awhile…

He supplies me.  If He lives in me and I remain in Him, I am fruitful.  I am productive. I am successful. It is Christ that gives me what I need to accomplish the life before me.  He works in me.  He works through me.  Have you ever wondered how?  Have you ever felt like it wasn’t working? Why?

It’s that word “abide.”  There’s the key.  I must abide in Him.  From experience let me tell you that you cannot abide in Him with just a weekly Church service and a nightie-nite prayer.  Abide means to dwell, live, remain, endure.  It’s a pretty weighty word.  Now it seems complicated- almost daunting.  Like any other relationship, it does take time.  There is just no way around it.  It doesn’t; however, have to be complicated.  Trying to set aside a particular block of time was not working for me.  I ended up overwhelmed, discouraged, and feeling guilty because it was a task I couldn’t accomplish.  That’s just it, though.  Jesus is not a task.  He is a person.  One who wants you to actually ENJOY time with Him. If spending time with our Lord has been difficult for you, don’t give up!  I de-mystified and simplified. Making small adjustments in my routine has made all the difference in the world for me.  Let me show you what I mean…

I do five very simple things every day to keep in touch with Jesus. These things don’t take much time at all when I spread them throughout my day.

  • Morning Devotion.  I use From Faith to Faith by Kenneth & Gloria Copeland.  You can purchase the book or view it for free online. They will even email it to you upon request. I have the link on my iPhone so I can view it anytime/ anywhere.
  • Daily Scripture Meditation. The Wonderful Names of Our Wonderful Lord is an excellent one minute devotion by Charles Hurburt and T.C. Horton.  While it is available in paperback, I use the mobile version on my iPhone. 
  • Scripture Confession.  I have compiled a notebook of scriptures that I recite out loud throughout the day.  I rotate them.  One day I’ll say the ones on health, then one day on parenting, one day on finances.  You get the idea.
  • I pray all day long.  Not the stop what you’re doing, formal kind of prayers- hardly!  I say the “Good Morning Lord!  Help me face the day” kind of prayer.  You know: like,”O Lord, show me how to handle this.”  “Son is jumping on my last nerve, what do You want me to do with him? “Thank you for putting the milk on sale!”  I talk to God all day long like I would to my husband, my friends, or anyone else.  I’m not disrespectful but I am familiar.
  • Evening Bible Time.  Yes, yes, you know me well… I have an iPhone app for that too!  (Face it: its just FUN that way!) I like the Robert Roberts plan.  Two- Four chapters a night takes all of 15 minutes.   
Of course, if you can do more that’s great.  If not, do what you can. Jesus knows and He understands. Keeping it simple, fun, and weaving it into my minute-by-minute daily routine has made it do-able for me.  My faith is no longer an ideal.  It is PRACTICAL.  It is real and IT WORKS.




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To Love One Another

The inspiration for today’s post comes from Big Fat Mama over at http://www.cookingupfaith.com/.  For the past 21 days she has been focusing on and blogging about John 15.  Her posts for days 20 and 21 just spoke to my heart in such a profound way that I found myself thinking about it throughout the day. After the birth of her fourth child she started experiencing anxiety and sought the Lord about how to deal with it.  She writes:

Then I was able to take a little drive with just myself and God. I drove and saw hills in front of me with the sun setting and I had this thought –
What if I didn’t try to control people?
What if I didn’t try to control every situation in my life?
What if I didn’t worry about if I was doing or being enough all the time?
What if I let go of my grudges?
What if all I did was love God and love others? What would that be like?


It would be pretty nice. And if all I did at the end of the day was love God and love others I would have done enough.

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Live within my love. When you obey me you are living in my love, just as I obey my Father and live in His love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your cup of joy will overflow! I demand that you love each other as much as I love you. And here is how to measure it – the greatest love is shown when a person lays down his life for his friends; and you are my friends if you obey me.” John 15: 9-14

If we really grasped how much God loves us we would have no fear, no guilt, no loneliness, no self-serving attitude. Our joy would overflow! When we stop trying to fulfill ourselves with the worldlythings, and let God, the only one who can genuinely love us, then we can start being productive and He can use us for his glory.     Big Fat Mama

WOW!  I’ve probably read those scriptures countless times.  I know we are supposed to love God and love others.  I know that our obedience to Christ is a reflection of His love.  Its the JOY part that I’ve missed all this time.  You cannot be joyful and anxious at the same time.  Really, truly, deeply practicing this love results in obedience and JOY.  Receiving HIS love is JOY.  Showing HIS love is JOY.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own head.  I complicate things. Not only in my daily routine but also in my devotional time.  Am I doing enough?  Am I doing it right?  What if I’m missing something?  What if while I’m doing this I should be doing that? It is hard to experience God’s peace when we are constantly trying to measure up and wondering if we’re falling short.  So often I feel like it is never enough, like I’m never enough. I never identified that feeling as anxiety or controlling but IT IS.  It is also self imposed condemnation.  Sure, our motives are good:  we are supposed to love and care for our families and their needs. That’s okay.  In the striving to do it well, I find that I cross over to perfection- as though somehow if its not all perfect it means that I love them less. I know…its crazy.  At least I am sane enough to remind myself to lighten up. That nagging feeling persists, though – even if it is in the background.  

Her posts reeled me in, so to speak.  It is that simple: its about the love – that’s all. Love – period.   When I focus on the love of Christ the details of my life will fall into place. Thank you, Big Fat Mama for sharing your journey. Sound revelation of God’s love – of the JOY of God’s love – erases all doubt.  God’s love is enough.  My living out that love is enough.  His love makes me enough.

I encourage you to hop over to her site to read through her journey.  I’m sure you will be blessed by it.

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To Love One Another

The inspiration for today’s post comes from Big Fat Mama over at http://www.cookingupfaith.com/.  For the past 21 days she has been focusing on and blogging about John 15.  Her posts for days 20 and 21 just spoke to my heart in such a profound way that I found myself thinking about it throughout the day. After the birth of her fourth child she started experiencing anxiety and sought the Lord about how to deal with it.  She writes:

Then I was able to take a little drive with just myself and God. I drove and saw hills in front of me with the sun setting and I had this thought –
What if I didn’t try to control people?
What if I didn’t try to control every situation in my life?
What if I didn’t worry about if I was doing or being enough all the time?
What if I let go of my grudges?
What if all I did was love God and love others? What would that be like?


It would be pretty nice. And if all I did at the end of the day was love God and love others I would have done enough.

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Live within my love. When you obey me you are living in my love, just as I obey my Father and live in His love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your cup of joy will overflow! I demand that you love each other as much as I love you. And here is how to measure it – the greatest love is shown when a person lays down his life for his friends; and you are my friends if you obey me.” John 15: 9-14

If we really grasped how much God loves us we would have no fear, no guilt, no loneliness, no self-serving attitude. Our joy would overflow! When we stop trying to fulfill ourselves with the worldlythings, and let God, the only one who can genuinely love us, then we can start being productive and He can use us for his glory.     Big Fat Mama

WOW!  I’ve probably read those scriptures countless times.  I know we are supposed to love God and love others.  I know that our obedience to Christ is a reflection of His love.  Its the JOY part that I’ve missed all this time.  You cannot be joyful and anxious at the same time.  Really, truly, deeply practicing this love results in obedience and JOY.  Receiving HIS love is JOY.  Showing HIS love is JOY.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own head.  I complicate things. Not only in my daily routine but also in my devotional time.  Am I doing enough?  Am I doing it right?  What if I’m missing something?  What if while I’m doing this I should be doing that? It is hard to experience God’s peace when we are constantly trying to measure up and wondering if we’re falling short.  So often I feel like it is never enough, like I’m never enough. I never identified that feeling as anxiety or controlling but IT IS.  It is also self imposed condemnation.  Sure, our motives are good:  we are supposed to love and care for our families and their needs. That’s okay.  In the striving to do it well, I find that I cross over to perfection- as though somehow if its not all perfect it means that I love them less. I know…its crazy.  At least I am sane enough to remind myself to lighten up. That nagging feeling persists, though – even if it is in the background.  

Her posts reeled me in, so to speak.  It is that simple: its about the love – that’s all. Love – period.   When I focus on the love of Christ the details of my life will fall into place. Thank you, Big Fat Mama for sharing your journey. Sound revelation of God’s love – of the JOY of God’s love – erases all doubt.  God’s love is enough.  My living out that love is enough.  His love makes me enough.

I encourage you to hop over to her site to read through her journey.  I’m sure you will be blessed by it.

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Frugality Is Godly

Face it: most of us have limited resources. The paycheck goes only so far. When we spend money on frivolous items we may run the risk of shorting later on the necessities. Using a budget can allow you to prioritize both wants and needs. We want to make the most of our money for our families, right? Making the most of and doing the most good with what you have is called stewardship. God is very clear that He will supply our needs (Philp 4:19); however, He expects us to maximize what He gives us. We are to give back a portion to provide for the needs of others (1 Cor 16: 1&2 and Mal 3:8-12). We are to demonstrate responsibility with what He has given us (1 Cor 4:1-2 and Lk 16:10-13). Since our homemaking tasks are ultimately unto the Lord (Col 3:23-24), we should carefully consider using and sticking to a budget. Juggling the family budget can be quite a chore but worthy of our hard work. The natural payoff: more for our family. The supernatural payoff: God blesses our obedience. Even if our spouses or children do not appreciate or cooperate with bugeting, the Lord sees our effort (Heb 4:13) and rewards it (Prov 14:23).

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Five Reasons To Live With Less

Stewardship Lessons From a Reformed Pack Rat

  • More stuff equals more chaos. Clutter is visually distracting and physically stressful. It adds to sensory OVERLOAD. I don’t practice feng shui but common sense tells you one can’t relax in a crowded, unorganized mess.
  • The more we have, the more we have to maintain what we have. It is a vicious cycle of time, energy and resources. We have to clean it, store it, fix it… TOO CONSUMING.
  • Save money by not spending it on MORE STUFF. Start a Christmas Club account instead! Think of how much you’d have at the end of the year.
  • Living with less frees us: less baggage emotionally and physically. Less stuff=more time & money=less guilt.
  • If I save EVERYTHING, then NOTHING is special. Treasures are meant to be seen and enjoyed not packed away in the closet or attic. Trust me- your children will not want to be burdened with dealing with all your junk when you die.
  • Bless others from your overabundance. Who really needs 48 pairs of shoes anyway? So many people could really benefit from things that are accumulated and never used in other more fortunates closets.